NIGHT WHISPERS

NOAH: I have a philosophy about cooking.

SLOAN: Does your philosophy go something like – ‘I paid for the food; let someone else figure out what to do with it.’

NOAH: Oh have you already read my best-selling book on this subject.

SLOAN: Would I be correct in assuming that ‘someone else’ in your philosophy is probably a female?

NOAH: How did you guess?

SLOAN: Isn’t that a little sexist?

NOAH: I don’t think of out that way. I think of it as delegating responsibility.

SLOAN: Want to hear my philosophy on cooking?

NOAH: I don’t think so.

SLOAN: (told him anyway) He who does not help with the cooking does not get to help with the eating.

NOAH: Okay, I’m ready. Give me an assignment. Make it a tough one. (Without turning, Sloan passed him a knife and green pepper over her right shoulder.)

SLOAN: Here you are. A green pepper.

NOAH: I have something more macho in mind. (Sloan passed him the onion. Noah laughed, enjoying himself hugely.) I hope the guys at the bowling alley don’t hear about this. I’ll be ruined.

SLOAN: No you wont. Knives are good. They’re macho. (In answer he picked up a dish towel and snapped it, landing a soft whack on her buttocks.)

COURTNEY (sauntering forward): Better not try that on me, Noah. Sloan has been showing me some excellent self-defense moves. I can toss you on your – ouch. (She said as the dish towel landed with more force on her rump. She glared at him in mock affront; then she looked at Sloan) Do you want me to take him down for that, or are you going to do it? (Before Sloan could reply, Noah plopped a tomato from Sloan’s pile onto the cutting board in front of Courtney and handed her a knife. )

NOAH: Sloan was just telling me her philosophy about cooking. Let me share it with you.

COURTNEY: (She picked up the knife and made a half-hearted attempt to saw on the tomato.) Eeeaw, this is disgusting. I am never going to get on the Sally show. This house is beginning to feel like real people live here.

DOUGLAS: (He walked in soon after, when the chopped onion was sautéing and all the preparation work was done.) By any chance, is there enough for an extra person?

SLOAN: More than enough.

COURTNEY (irate): You can’t eat because you didn’t do any work.

DOUGLAS: But – there’s noting left to do.

NOAH: Nice timing.

DOUGLAS (shamelessly replied): I thought so. (and settled into a chair at the kitchen table.)

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