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MOST FUNNY SCENE NOMINEE

   

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ONCE & ALWAYS

She paused, uncertainly as a dozen cows looked up, regarding her with huge, liquid brown eyes as she walked along the row of stalls. She stopped at one with a stool and bucket hanging on the wall, thinking that this cow would surely be the most likely prospect for milking. ‘Good morning,’ she said to the cow, patting its smooth face reassuringly while she tried to bolster he courage. Now that the moment was at hand, Victoria wasn’t at all certain she remembered exactly how one went about milking a cow. Stalling her time, she strolled around the cow and plucked a few pieces of straw from its tail, then reluctantly took down the stool and placed the bucket in position beneath the animal’s pendulous udder. She sat down and slowly rolled up the sleeves of her gown, then arranged her skirts around her. Unaware of the man who had just stalked into the barn, she stroked the animal’s flank and drew a long, hesitant breath. ‘I may as well be perfectly honest with you,’ she confessed to the cow. ‘The truth is – I haven’t actually done this before.’

Her rueful admission stopped Jason in mid-stride at the entrance to the stall, and his eyes warmed with fascinated amusement as he gazed at her. Seated upon the milking stool with her skirts spread about her as carefully as if she were seated a throne, Miss Victoria Seaton presented a very fetching picture. Her head was bent slightly as she concentrated on the task before her, providing him with a delightful view of her patrician profile with its elegant cheekbones and delicate little nose. Sunlight from the window above glinted in her hair, turning it into a shimmering red-gold waterfall that tumbled over her shoulders. Long curly eyelashes cast shadows on her smooth cheeks as she caught her lower lip between her teeth and reached down to move the bucket an inch forward.

The action drew Jason’s gaze to the thrusting fullness of her breasts as they pushed invitingly against the bodice of her black gown, but her next words made his shoulders shake with laughter. ‘This,’ she told the cow in a revolted voice as she stretched her hands forward, ‘is going to be embarrassing for me as it is for you.’

Victoria touched the cow’s fleshy teats and jerked her hands away with a loud ‘Ugh!’ Then she tried again. She squeezed twice, quickly,, then she leaned back and gazed hopefully at the bucket. No milk dropped in it. ‘Please, please, don’t make this difficult,’ she implored the cow.

Twice more she repeated the same process, and still nothing happened. Frustration made her yank too hard the next time, which brought the cow’s head swinging around as it glared reproachfully at her. ‘I’m doing my part,’ Victoria said, glaring right back, ‘the least you could do is yours!’

Behind her, a laughing masculine voice warned, ‘You’ll curdle her milk if you glower at her like that.’

Victoria jumped and whirled around on the stool, sending her coppery hair spilling over her left shoulder. ‘You!’ she burst out, flushing in mortification at the scene he had obviously witnessed. ‘Why must you always creep up on people without a sound? The least you could do is –‘

‘Knock?’ he suggested, his eyes glinting with laughter. With slow deliberation, he lifted his hand and rapped his knuckles twice over the wooden beam. ‘Do you always talk to animals?’ he asked conversationally.

Victoria was in no mood to be mocked, and she could see by the gleam in his eyes he was doing exactly that. With as much dignity as she could muster, she stood up, smoothed her skirts, and tried to walk past him.

His hand shot out and caught her arm in a firm but painless grip. ‘Aren’t you going to finish milking?’

‘You’ve already seen that I can’t.’

‘Why not?’

Victoria put her chin up and looked him right in the eye. ‘Because I don’t know how.’

One dark brow lifted over an amused green eye. ‘Do you want to learn?’

‘No.’ Victoria said, angry and humiliated. ‘now if you’ll remove your hand from my arm –‘ she jerked her arm free without waiting for him to acquiesce, ‘—I’ll try to find some other way to earn my keep here.’

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