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MOST FUNNY SCENE NOMINEE

 

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WHITNEY MY LOVE

Trying in his compassionate way to distract his patient from her terrified preoccupation with his instrument case, Dr. Whitticomb put it down beside her bed and said soothingly, ‘His grace, the Duke of Claymore, is most deeply concerned about you.’

Two bright spots of color appeared on her high cheekbones. In a strangled voice, she whispered, ‘He is the embodiment of kindness and solicitude.’

‘Quite so,’ Dr. Whitticomb agreed, not able to believe the sarcasm he thought he heard. ‘As I understand it, Miss Stone, ‘ he began briskly, ‘you took a nasty fall down the staircase.’ Reaching for the bedcovers, he said, ‘Let’s just have a look at the knee, shall we?’

‘Don’t!’ she yelped, clutching the bedcovers to her pretty chin and eyeing him mutinously.

For a moment he stared at her in amazement, but then he realized what was distressing her and his expression gentled. Drawing up a chair beside the bed, he sat down. ‘My dear girl,’ he said kindly, ‘we are no longer in the dark ages when a female denied herself the ministrations of a competent physician merely because he was a man and she was a woman. I applaud your modesty - God knows we see it all to seldom in young ladies these days – but this is not the proper time for it, as I am sure your aunt would tell you. Now then…’ Reaching out, he tried to draw the sheets back , but his patient’s tightly clenched fists exerted equal pressure to draw them in the opposite direction.

Dr. Whitticomb reared back and frowned with frustrated annoyance. I am a competence physician with a score of female patients, including Her Majesty, if that will reassure you, Miss Stone.’

‘Well, it doesn’t reassure me in the least!’ his patient fired back in a voice remarkably strong for one supposedly in excruciating pain.

‘Young woman,’ he warned, ‘I am under specific orders from his grace to examine your knee and prescribe the proper care. And,’ he added ominously, ‘he instructed me to have you restrained if necessary, in order to do so.’

‘Restrained!’ Whitney burst out. ‘Of all the unmitigated, unbelievable gall! Just who does he think would dare to do such a . . .’ She choked back her outburst, already visualizing Clayton striding into her bedchamber in defiance of every law of decency and propriety, and forcibly pinning her to the bed, so that Dr. Whitticomb could examine her knee.

Frantically, she groped for some way to deter the physician from examining her. Excessive modesty was her only hope. Her lids fluttered closed, then opened to regard the man in charming embarrassment. Shyly, she plucked at the sheets. ‘I know how silly and foolish I must seem to you, Dr, Whitticomb, but I would simply die of mortification to be so . . . exposed. . . to a perfect stranger, no matter how fine a doctor you are.’

‘My dear girl, we are only talking about ‘exposing’ your knee, after all.’

‘But I can’t help the way I feel,’ Whitney protested virtuously. ‘You don’t know me, but surely his grace, who does know me, should have considered my tenderest feelings in this. I’m quite shocked by his callous disregard of my. . . my . . .?’

“Maidenly sensibilities?’ the doctor offered automatically, thinking to himself that Claymore was going to have his work cut out for himself on his wedding night with his young woman, and that it was a very good thing that the duke was no novice where females were concerned.

‘Exactly! I knew you would understand.’

Reluctantly Dr. Whitticomb capitulated, ‘Very well, Miss Stone, I will not examine you knee on one condition: You must permit a local physician to examine it.’

‘Immediately!” Whitney agreed, beaming a bright smile on him.

Leaning over, he snapped his bag shut and picked it up. ‘Do you know of someone who has experience with sprains and breaks – someone with whom you could feel comfortable?

‘Someone with experience with sprains and breaks?’ Whitney repeated, searching madly for some name to give him. ‘Why yes. Yes, I do,’ she announced triumphantly.

‘Who?’ Dr. Whitticomb persisted, standing up. ‘What is his name?’

‘Thomas,’ Whitney provided promptly, smiling widely at her own inspiration. ‘I trust him implicitly, as does everyone for miles around – whenever there’s sprain or a break, it is always brought to Thomas for treatment.’ With a gracious smile, she added, ‘Goodbye, Dr. Whitticomb. I do thank you for coming, and I’m most dreadfully sorry for the inconvenience you’ve been caused. Clarissa will show you out.’

‘No need to bid me farewell just yet,’ Dr. Whitticomb assured. ‘I’ll be up to see you after I’ve spoken with Dr. Thomas.’

‘Oh dear God!’ Clarissa gasped, blindly clutching the bedpost for support.

Dr. Whitticomb ignored her outburst. Reaching into his waistcoat pocket, he withdrew a heavy gold timepiece, glanced at the time, then snapped it shut. ‘His grace’s driver and coach are waiting, so if someone will be so kind as to direct me to Dr. Thomas, I’ll meet with him and assure myself of his credential, then bring him back with me.’

Whitney levered herself up on both elbows. ‘Whatever for? I mean, I’ve just assured you that he’s qualified. You can take my word for it.’

‘No, I’m sorry, but I can’t. even if I were willing to entrust your health to some unknown colleague, which I’m not, I can assure you that the duke would never permit it. Actually, we discussed calling in Grundheim from Germany; he’s a good man with injuries to the joints. And there’s Johannsen in Sweden –’

‘He wouldn’t dare!’ Whitney retorted.

‘Actually,’ Dr. Whitticome admitted ruefully, ‘it was my idea to have them come to examine your knee. Claymore thought it best if I saw you first. He had certain –ah –doubts about the severity of your injury. Lady Gilbert,’ he said, ‘would you be so kind as to give me directions to Dr. Thomas?’ He started for the door, but stopped in his tracks when, from the occupant of the bed, there came a stifled moan, followed by a series of blistering remarks about someone’s character and integrity, liberally salted with words such as ‘scoundrel, wretch, blackguard, and hypocrite.’

Dr. Whitticomb turned in surprise. Gone was the shy, demure young lady who’d sighed and languished in her bed but a moment before. His lips twitched with laughter and admiration as he beheld the tempestuous beauty who was now sitting bold upright against the pillow, positively emanating stormy wrath.

‘Dr. Whitticomb,’ the beauty snapped at him, ‘I really cannot endure another moment of this. For the love of God, look at my knee before that man has every leech in Europe at my bedside!’

‘I personally do not condone leeching,’ Dr. Whitticomb remarked as he walked back to the bed and put his instrument case down. This time there was no resistance when he drew back the bedcovers. He parted her dressing robe well below the thigh, exposing a pair of long, shapely limbs, one of which was propped upon a pile of pillows.

‘That’s odd,’ he said, suppressing a smile as he glanced at his rebellious patient. ‘Yes indeed – I wondered about the lump created by this pile of pillows.’

Whitney frowned at him. ‘I can’t see anything the least bit ‘odd’ about two pillows propping up an injured knee.’

‘I quite agree with you there.’ Dr. Whitticomb’s eyes twinkled. ‘But unless I misread your note to his grace, it was you left knew which was injured. Yet it is your right knee which we see here upon these pillows.’

His finger pointed accusingly to the wrong leg and Whitney pinkened. ‘Oh that,’ she said hastily. ‘We propped the right leg up to keep it from bumping the left.’

‘Very quick thinking, my dear,’ Dr. Whitticomb said with a chuckle.

Whitney closed her eyes with chagrin. She wasn’t fooling him at all.

‘There doesn’t appear to be any swelling.’ His fingers gently felt first her right knee, then her left, then the right again. ‘Do you feel any pain here?’

‘Dr. Whitticomb.’ Whitney said with a resigned smile trembling on her lips, ‘would you believe, even for one second, that I am in any pain?’

‘No. I’m afraid not, actually,’ he admitted with equal candor. “But I must say I admire your knack for knowing when the time has come to throw in your cards and call the game lost.’ He replaced the bedcovers and leaned back in his chair, gazing at her in thoughtful silence.

He couldn’t help admiring her spirit. She’d concocted a scheme and she’d done her level best to see it through. And now, when she was defeated she conceded the victory to him without rancor, no missish sulks and sullens, no tears or begging. Damned if he didn’t like her for it! After a moment, he straightened and said briskly, ‘I expect we should discuss what I am going to do next.’

Whitney shook her head. ‘There’s no need to explain. I know what you’re obligated to do.’

Dr. Whitticomb gave her an amused look. ‘First of all, I'm going to prescribe absolute, undisturbed bedrest for the next twenty-four hours. Not for you’ – he laughed at Whitney’s joyous expression – ‘but for your poor, beleaguered maid behind me, who’s been torn between grabbing the nearest heavy object and bludgeoning me unconscious or swooning dead away.’ Plucking the hartshorn bottle from the bedside table, he passed it to Clarissa. ‘if you will take some free advise from an extremely expensive physician,’ he told her severely, ‘you will not involve yourself in any more of this lovely hoyden’s intrigues. You haven’t the constitution for it. Besides, your face quite gave your mistress away.

When Clarissa closed the door behind her, Dr. Whittcomb turned his gaze upon Lady Gilbert, who’d gone round the bed and was standing beside Whitney, waiting like a condemned man in the box to share her niece’s sentence. ‘You, Lady Gilbert, are not in much better condition than that maid. Sit down.’

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